Mutual Respect

My mare Elena has taught me much about how to be with horses but perhaps the most important lesson she has had for me was the importance of mutual respect.  When I first encountered her, my nearly full grown older yearling young mare, I thought she was sweet, the way she would put her nose up to my face and smell me and the way she siddled up to me, and nudge me with her nose.  It wasn't long before I learned how pushy and disrespectful of people she was being, though.  Here began my education in leadership with horses.  As a child, I loved horses the way most girls do - with affection and passion and naivete. I had only been around lesson horses and older schoolmasters who tolerated or enjoyed my hugs and kisses and were so well-trained that they automatically gave me the respect they'd learned to give all people.  Not so with Elena.  Although she'd been handled daily in her short life, she definitely had her own opinions about things and respect had to be earned rather than being freely given.

We've had some interesting times and growing pains along the way but we're getting there - to a place of mutual respect and trust.  There have been times when I admit my attempts to learn firmness have gone astray a bit and I've become too frustrated, even showing a lack of control over my temper.  I'm not proud of those moments, but I realize even they have been instructive and eye-opening.  Elena is forgiving and although our trust goes through ups and downs, it has never eroded completely.  I've come to believe that mutual respect is a lot about listening to each other.  If you respect someone, you won't ignore their feedback, you'll listen and try your best to understand.  You'll take their opinions and reactions into account, you'll find a compromise.  These are my goals in my interactions with Elena and with all horses (and animals and people too!).

I've been reading this inspiring book called "Ride from the Heart: The art of communication between horse and rider" by Jenny Rolfe.  I have to share a quote from it: "During the six years I have spent with him, however I realized that when we appear to achieve nothing of consequence, we are achieving it all.  Less may be more and sometimes calmness and quiet can be everything....  I have also learnt that it is possible to be very focused on the work of the day and lose sight of the bigger picture.  The relationship is far more important than any single goal in  training and sometimes we have to settle for less than we hope to achieve during a training session.  If we have the courage and wisdom to accept something good and be thankful, even when our expectations are not being fulfilled, we are learning the skills of the true horseman."  This so neatly expresses my insights about my own training and riding lately.  I have often slipped into being more intent on getting immediate and obedient response to my requests, than on listening to my horse and accepting and rewarding the good things she does offer. 

Today my commitment is renewed to the bigger picture - the development of trust between us, the art of the dance, the important of feel and listening and empathy to finding mutual respect and through that true harmony.