Have you ever wished for a wise and knowledgeable mentor to guide your every action in the hobby, sport, or art that you love? I'm thinking of Mr. Miyagi (the Karate master in Karate Kid) and other such role models. Seriously, who doesn't want to learn correctly, preferably from the beginning as they're learning something new, and who doesn't want to succeed at their endeavors? Who doesn't want a cheerleader to encourage them along the way, someone with high expectations, who exhorts us to stand up and get back on the horse (or drawing board or balance beam or whatever)? We all want to excel and I think it's written into us somehow that we should seek out others to help us.
Well, I have been searching for years for people like this in my life. Everything from riding instructors to personal and spiritual life mentors. Almost inevitably, I've been disappointed. Afterall, no one is perfect. No one can meet my standards if that's what I'm looking for. I'm really not much of a hero-worshipper. It's just too easy for me to see people's flaws - perhaps they have a temper, or are a hypocrite (really, who isn't?), or maybe they just have their own life and friends and are too busy to give me the attention I desire. Honestly, most of the fault is my own. I'm wired to always want more from relationships. My expectations are too high, including my expectations of myself.
I will likely never be a professional artist or horse trainer/rider. I won't go to the Olympics. I may never make it to Grand Prix. I'll certainly never be the perfect dressage rider, wife, daughter, sister, or Christian. That doesn't mean I shouldn't try for these things, but I should try in a less pressured way. My goals should be attainable. My guides will be imperfect, but that doesn't mean I can't learn from them.
I recently moved my horses to a new barn in search of more guidance in my riding and training. It was a leap of faith. I followed my intuition which whispered in my ear that I could learn there and be happy there. And I am. Every ride I sense my mare Elena getting it - that swinging in her back and not using her neck to brace is actually more comfortable to her as a way of going. It requires energy from her hindlegs and release through her back and neck. It requires trust in her rider. She's like me, you see, opinionated and reluctant to entrust her well-being to others. But together we are learning to trust each other, to trust our instructor, to let go and let God work it out. It is a better way, this trusting, this faith. After all this searching, I'm realizing that there's only so much we can do to find good leaders. The other part is letting go of ourselves (our shame, our frustration, our pride, our fears) enough to let goodness into our lives. Join me today - this Easter day - in embracing all things good and releasing all things which hold us back!
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Mutual Respect
My mare Elena has taught me much about how to be with horses but perhaps the most important lesson she has had for me was the importance of mutual respect. When I first encountered her, my nearly full grown older yearling young mare, I thought she was sweet, the way she would put her nose up to my face and smell me and the way she siddled up to me, and nudge me with her nose. It wasn't long before I learned how pushy and disrespectful of people she was being, though. Here began my education in leadership with horses. As a child, I loved horses the way most girls do - with affection and passion and naivete. I had only been around lesson horses and older schoolmasters who tolerated or enjoyed my hugs and kisses and were so well-trained that they automatically gave me the respect they'd learned to give all people. Not so with Elena. Although she'd been handled daily in her short life, she definitely had her own opinions about things and respect had to be earned rather than being freely given.
We've had some interesting times and growing pains along the way but we're getting there - to a place of mutual respect and trust. There have been times when I admit my attempts to learn firmness have gone astray a bit and I've become too frustrated, even showing a lack of control over my temper. I'm not proud of those moments, but I realize even they have been instructive and eye-opening. Elena is forgiving and although our trust goes through ups and downs, it has never eroded completely. I've come to believe that mutual respect is a lot about listening to each other. If you respect someone, you won't ignore their feedback, you'll listen and try your best to understand. You'll take their opinions and reactions into account, you'll find a compromise. These are my goals in my interactions with Elena and with all horses (and animals and people too!).
I've been reading this inspiring book called "Ride from the Heart: The art of communication between horse and rider" by Jenny Rolfe. I have to share a quote from it: "During the six years I have spent with him, however I realized that when we appear to achieve nothing of consequence, we are achieving it all. Less may be more and sometimes calmness and quiet can be everything.... I have also learnt that it is possible to be very focused on the work of the day and lose sight of the bigger picture. The relationship is far more important than any single goal in training and sometimes we have to settle for less than we hope to achieve during a training session. If we have the courage and wisdom to accept something good and be thankful, even when our expectations are not being fulfilled, we are learning the skills of the true horseman." This so neatly expresses my insights about my own training and riding lately. I have often slipped into being more intent on getting immediate and obedient response to my requests, than on listening to my horse and accepting and rewarding the good things she does offer.
Today my commitment is renewed to the bigger picture - the development of trust between us, the art of the dance, the important of feel and listening and empathy to finding mutual respect and through that true harmony.
We've had some interesting times and growing pains along the way but we're getting there - to a place of mutual respect and trust. There have been times when I admit my attempts to learn firmness have gone astray a bit and I've become too frustrated, even showing a lack of control over my temper. I'm not proud of those moments, but I realize even they have been instructive and eye-opening. Elena is forgiving and although our trust goes through ups and downs, it has never eroded completely. I've come to believe that mutual respect is a lot about listening to each other. If you respect someone, you won't ignore their feedback, you'll listen and try your best to understand. You'll take their opinions and reactions into account, you'll find a compromise. These are my goals in my interactions with Elena and with all horses (and animals and people too!).
I've been reading this inspiring book called "Ride from the Heart: The art of communication between horse and rider" by Jenny Rolfe. I have to share a quote from it: "During the six years I have spent with him, however I realized that when we appear to achieve nothing of consequence, we are achieving it all. Less may be more and sometimes calmness and quiet can be everything.... I have also learnt that it is possible to be very focused on the work of the day and lose sight of the bigger picture. The relationship is far more important than any single goal in training and sometimes we have to settle for less than we hope to achieve during a training session. If we have the courage and wisdom to accept something good and be thankful, even when our expectations are not being fulfilled, we are learning the skills of the true horseman." This so neatly expresses my insights about my own training and riding lately. I have often slipped into being more intent on getting immediate and obedient response to my requests, than on listening to my horse and accepting and rewarding the good things she does offer.
Today my commitment is renewed to the bigger picture - the development of trust between us, the art of the dance, the important of feel and listening and empathy to finding mutual respect and through that true harmony.
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