Captivated by the Journey

I can’t believe I haven’t written here in so long!  I guess I’ve been too busy riding both of my mares to have time to write about it! I have been loving my new barn and the training we are receiving.  All of the work has been focused on encouraging the horses to use their backs more – to lift them and swing them, with active and engaged hind legs and a round body posture and lowered relaxed neck.  

With Elena, at first we did a lot of flexing to each side & stretching downward . It used to take her the whole lesson to let go and relax and use her back since she was so used to a higher more braced neck posture. Luckily she had the right idea already and demonstrated it at times but the goal was to get her more consistently supple in her back and reaching down and out for the contact. After awhile, she would start to stretch almost right away and then we could proceed to a bit of more collected work.  Elena has improved her canter work dramatically – much rounder, more collected and balanced, as well as softer and suppler in her back and neck.  She’s also now doing wonderful shoulder-ins and bending leg-yields along the wall.  When my trainer rode her a lot last fall, he had her doing counter canter and simple changes through the walk and beginning haunches in.  Now that winter has set in, the bitter Minnesota cold and longer warm up time has set us back a little but it’s still exciting to see her learning to collect while staying round and soft.  With correct work, she has also discovered her inner fire and is rarely lazy anymore.  While still an opinionated dominant mare, she has mellowed and matured and I continue to learn how best to be her respected leader.

Meanwhile, my other mare Kaleidoscope is now shod on her front feet and is sound at last!  She’s still crooked naturally but regular correct work is really helping her to use her body more evenly from one side to the other.  I’ve also learned that she does better when I sit more than post in the trot and when I am careful to not tip forward. Additionally, she prefers a lighter contact with the reins. She is teaching me how important it is for me to release her tension by not holding too tightly to the reins and rewarding her frequently for good work.  Without this, she has a tendency to rush forwards in her misguided effort to please.  She too has softened in the canter work and is getting better and better at stretching downward and out without losing balance on the forehand. She has given me lovely collected canters and nice steps of shoulder-in and haunches in.  It’s great to be riding her regularly - her sensitivity and anxious nature continues to be an invigorating challenge for me.

I have developed greater steadiness in the sitting trot and better balance in the canter and in the canter transition.  I’m learning how to use my seat to instruct the horse, rather than just to follow the motions of the gaits.  I continue to work on keeping my lower leg further back, my upper body upright, and my hands in the optimal position – all of this in motion with the horse, not a fixed unyielding posture.  I’ve also learned not to nag my horse but to use a small aid and, if necessary, back it up with a big aid.  However I must be vigilant to keep my horse’s focus and roundness with quick small motions of my hands and I’ve learned how to hug the horse with my legs each stride in the canter to encourage impulsion and lift of the back.  Each of my mares brings their own particular needs and preferences and challenges.  They both have so much to teach me!

As always, the journey captivates me. I live for the moments when it all comes together, when I feel true connection and when correct work becomes almost effortless.  Slowly we build the right muscles,  flexibility, and habits. Though I am not by nature a patient person, I see over and over again that perseverance pays off and we are all blossoming!

Finding Guidance

Have you ever wished for a wise and knowledgeable mentor to guide your every action in the hobby, sport, or art that you love? I'm thinking of Mr. Miyagi (the Karate master in Karate Kid) and other such role models.   Seriously, who doesn't want to learn correctly, preferably from the beginning as they're learning something new, and who doesn't want to succeed at their endeavors?  Who doesn't want a cheerleader to encourage them along the way, someone with high expectations, who exhorts us to stand up and get back on the horse (or drawing board or balance beam or whatever)?  We all want to excel and I think it's written into us somehow that we should seek out others to help us. 

Well, I have been searching for years for people like this in my life.  Everything from riding instructors to personal and spiritual life mentors.  Almost inevitably, I've been disappointed.  Afterall, no one is perfect.  No one can meet my standards if that's what I'm looking for.  I'm really not much of a hero-worshipper.  It's just too easy for me to see people's flaws - perhaps they have a temper, or are a hypocrite (really, who isn't?), or maybe they just have their own life and friends and are too busy to give me the attention I desire.  Honestly, most of the fault is my own. I'm wired to always want more from relationships.  My expectations are too high, including my expectations of myself. 

I will likely never be a professional artist or horse trainer/rider.  I won't go to the Olympics.  I may never make it to Grand Prix.  I'll certainly never be the perfect dressage rider, wife, daughter, sister, or Christian.  That doesn't mean I shouldn't try for these things, but I should try in a less pressured way.  My goals should be attainable.  My guides will be imperfect, but that doesn't mean I can't learn from them. 

I recently moved my horses to a new barn in search of more guidance in my riding and training.  It was a leap of faith.  I followed my intuition which whispered in my ear that I could learn there and be happy there.  And I am.  Every ride I sense my mare Elena getting it - that swinging in her back and not using her neck to brace is actually more comfortable to her as a way of going.  It requires energy from her hindlegs and release through her back and neck.  It requires trust in her rider.  She's like me, you see, opinionated and reluctant to entrust her well-being to others.  But together we are learning to trust each other, to trust our instructor, to let go and let God work it out.  It is a better way, this trusting, this faith.  After all this searching, I'm realizing that there's only so much we can do to find good leaders.  The other part is letting go of ourselves (our shame, our frustration, our pride, our fears) enough to let goodness into our lives.  Join me today - this Easter day - in embracing all things good and releasing all things which hold us back!

Mutual Respect

My mare Elena has taught me much about how to be with horses but perhaps the most important lesson she has had for me was the importance of mutual respect.  When I first encountered her, my nearly full grown older yearling young mare, I thought she was sweet, the way she would put her nose up to my face and smell me and the way she siddled up to me, and nudge me with her nose.  It wasn't long before I learned how pushy and disrespectful of people she was being, though.  Here began my education in leadership with horses.  As a child, I loved horses the way most girls do - with affection and passion and naivete. I had only been around lesson horses and older schoolmasters who tolerated or enjoyed my hugs and kisses and were so well-trained that they automatically gave me the respect they'd learned to give all people.  Not so with Elena.  Although she'd been handled daily in her short life, she definitely had her own opinions about things and respect had to be earned rather than being freely given.

We've had some interesting times and growing pains along the way but we're getting there - to a place of mutual respect and trust.  There have been times when I admit my attempts to learn firmness have gone astray a bit and I've become too frustrated, even showing a lack of control over my temper.  I'm not proud of those moments, but I realize even they have been instructive and eye-opening.  Elena is forgiving and although our trust goes through ups and downs, it has never eroded completely.  I've come to believe that mutual respect is a lot about listening to each other.  If you respect someone, you won't ignore their feedback, you'll listen and try your best to understand.  You'll take their opinions and reactions into account, you'll find a compromise.  These are my goals in my interactions with Elena and with all horses (and animals and people too!).

I've been reading this inspiring book called "Ride from the Heart: The art of communication between horse and rider" by Jenny Rolfe.  I have to share a quote from it: "During the six years I have spent with him, however I realized that when we appear to achieve nothing of consequence, we are achieving it all.  Less may be more and sometimes calmness and quiet can be everything....  I have also learnt that it is possible to be very focused on the work of the day and lose sight of the bigger picture.  The relationship is far more important than any single goal in  training and sometimes we have to settle for less than we hope to achieve during a training session.  If we have the courage and wisdom to accept something good and be thankful, even when our expectations are not being fulfilled, we are learning the skills of the true horseman."  This so neatly expresses my insights about my own training and riding lately.  I have often slipped into being more intent on getting immediate and obedient response to my requests, than on listening to my horse and accepting and rewarding the good things she does offer. 

Today my commitment is renewed to the bigger picture - the development of trust between us, the art of the dance, the important of feel and listening and empathy to finding mutual respect and through that true harmony.

It's All About Balance

Lately I've been working with my younger mare on getting more energy from her hind end and more responsiveness to my aids.  She tends to be lazy, especially with her hind legs, which is not conducive to dressage where we need our horses to more energetically forward and underneath themselves in order for us to lightly ask them to change direction or gait or tempo at any given moment.  It's been going fairly well, though now instead of bracing in the base of her neck, she is tending to overcurl her neck behind the contact.  And she tends to fall on her forehand.

There's nothing new about this.  Naturally horses have a tendency to have about 60% of their weight in their shoulder/forehand and only 40% in their haunches.  They reverse this trend when startled in order to turn or change direction quickly.  We ask our horses for this kind of sensitivity and manuerability in dressage, so we ask them to weight their haunches relatively more.  It's also easier for a horse to carry a rider when their weight is balanced more toward their hind end as this creates a bridge effect of the horse's back under the rider, preventing strain for the horse.

So yesterday, my equine chiropractor, Kyla Awes, who adjusts both me and my horses (www.drkyla.com) asked me to help my mare rebalance and shift her weight more towards her hind end through using half halts (which aren't really what they sound like but are an aid to help the horse rebalance).  I had been so focused on her energy that I'd not neglected her balance!  Combining this rebalancing with what I've been doing to activate her hind legs will teach her to bring her hind legs forward and underneath her to enable her to create that bridge with her back, lift her withers & shoulders, and stretch into the connection with her head & neck.  Ideally.  Of course all of this takes a lot of practice and time to build the right muscles and to become habit.  But that's the goal.

And so once again I am reminded how important it is to find balance - in yourself and in your horse, in riding & training dressage, and in life.  And seek out people you trust to guide you back into balance in your perspective, your focus, and your riding.  Life is a journey, enjoy the ride!

Serenity

One of the challenges I face as a rider is knowing when to ride and school dressage and when not to.   I've learned to listen to my horses on this.  There are days when my mares tell me in no uncertain terms that they just want to be left alone to eat their dinner.  Although my mare Elena de la Vega (2004, golden bay Friesian/Warmblood cross pictured in my profile photo), usually comes to me from her pasture, there are days when her nostril curls or her eyes harden when the saddle comes out.  Of course it's important to practice regularly to continue to build her strength and mine, but some days it's just not worth it. 

I had one of these days recently.  I ignored subtle Elena's signals and tacked her up anyway and led her into the arena.  It was empty and dusty.  After walking to warm up and a little trot, I realized even I didn't want to be there.  So we rode out of the arena and around the barn instead.  It was a gorgeous day and almost instantly, Elena's eye softened and her step livened.  It was a bit windy and sometimes she can be a litle spooky on such days, but although she looked about her with alertness, she refrained from allowing her fears to get the best of her.  She asked me several times if I was alert enough and each time I assured her that I was looking out for her, that nothing would harm her and I was in charge.  If you knew my mare, you'd understand why I find this so encouraging.  She is by nature a dominant mare and since day one (at only a year and half) she has challenged me and doubted my authority.  It's so gratifying that she is finally coming to accept my leadership and follow my example!  And so, we had a good ride just walking and trotting a little around the proprty, enjoying the beautiful day and appreciating the break from the monotony of the arena. 

Dressage riders (and sometimes their horses too!) often need to be reminded to bring a little variety into their work.  Cross-training by trotting over poles or jumping, going for trail rides, or riding up and down hills are all helpful for the development of the dressage horse.  Riding outside or in new places tests the horse's trust of her rider and helps prepare them for shows or other situations.  Thank you, Elena, for pointing me in the right direction!  I'm all too aware that winter is approaching and our days to ride outside in comfort are numbered.  She was right to ask me if we could go out instead.

I also had a day recently where I was not up for riding.  It was nothing physically wrong with me but emotionally.  Riding and training dressage requires a great of patience since it can take many repititions to make noticable progress.  Days when I sense my patience at a low ebb or my irritation level easily triggered I try to take notice and not ride or at least not school in the arena.  It would be too easy for me to lose my temper at myself or my horse and that would be counterproductive.  Since Elena is particularly opinionated and dominant, she does not always back down from a fight and things could escalate.  And my other mare, Kaleidoscope (1995, refined golden chestnut Holsteiner/TB) is submissive but prone to fear and over-reaction.  The last thing I would want to do would be to undermine their trust in me as a calm, confident, and competant leader.  So sometimes I go to the barn and just take them out to graze in the sun and just reflect on how blessed I am to have 2 such stunning creatures who trust me to take care of them. 

It all comes down to the serenity prayer - knowing when to accept the things you can't change, to strive to change for the better the things you can, and the wisdom to know when to push on and when to let go.  Horses have really helped to restore balance to my life.  I can get caught up in my dreams and ambitions, what I don't yet have or have not yet accomplished, but they remind me to be thankful for what I already have and am blessed with.  I can also get stuck on when things have gone wrong, when loss has stuck my life and my heart, and there again my animals and my God remind me that there is still hope and love and grace for me.  So I am humbled and thankful for the reminder. 

Interconnectedness and flourishing

I have always wanted to make a difference in the world, to leave my mark, to make the lives of those around me better for having had me in it. I believe the same is true of our horseback riding, that our foremost goal should be to improve the horse(s) we ride.  I'm certainly not the first to assert this, but it's such a worthy aim than it's completely worth being reminded about - and as often as needed!

In the art of dressage, our primary aspiration is to sculpt the horse.  To teach her to use her body with better balance and more lightness and collection and expression.  In so doing, we also scupt our own bodies because we have to use our bodies well in order to teach our horses to do the same.  Since horses and riders are living creatures, this is a lengthy process with much repetition and attention to detail. 

I recently came across a line in Caitlin Brennen's novel "Song of Unmaking" about how horses that are worked often and well have a kind, soft eye.  It's so true!  And not just about horses!  All living creatures need to live out their purpose and to connect with other beings in mutually beneficial ways.  People as well as other animals thrive when they fulfill their passions and sparks, when they live in accordance with their natural inclinations.  Horses and other animals have always inspired me by their simplicity.  They want what they want (that grass on the other side of the fence, that squirrel up that tree, to snuggle close when thunder strikes...) and they live completely in the moment.  Humans, on the other hand, so often confuse their wants and desires and impose standards, expectations, and limitations on themselves.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting we all give up civilization and go wild again.  But we can learn from animals about the immense value in being true to ourselves. 

We can also learn from them about the importance of positive connections with others.  As the bible says "God says, ' It's not good for the Man to be alone.' (Genesis 2:18)"  All living beings thrive when they are in connection with the world around them.  Increasingly, our modern world is pulling people away from the connections we need in order to flourish.  There is so much perceieved isolation and disconnectedness.  I believe this is in part because as a culture we have forgotten our need for interconnectedness - with God, with nature, with animals and other people.  And although I love the sense of connectedness I get from the vast social networking world and online forums, there's just no replacement for in person connection.  We all need to feel others' presence, to interact with them, to let ourselves go enough to truly empathize with others.  It's in letting our own worries and insecurities go that our ego gets lost in the vast interconnectedness of the world and that we find our true selves.  And it's in finding ourselves that we can truly lead others towards finding themselves, that we can do our part to help the people and animals around us to fulfill their potential and live their dreams.